Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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