Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
