dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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