The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
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