He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
