remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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