I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
