Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
My dick has a subreddit
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I have post one night stand depression
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
