Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
