you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Randomize
