Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
