My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
