where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I can text with my tongue
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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