Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
