oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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