I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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