worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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