at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Randomize
