small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
