i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
