last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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