I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
