Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Watching her eat just hurts me
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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