It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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