And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
