Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
