Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
