Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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