You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
