We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
