My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
