I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
