What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
