All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Randomize
