sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Randomize
