She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
