You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
