Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
