Sry I called you an 8
Kiss
Puke
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
