According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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