They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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