hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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