her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Couch. On fire.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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