He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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