never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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