I am in a vortex of obligation.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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