it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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