you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
