I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
