the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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