it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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