apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Are my feet made of real feet?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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