so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
That accounts for only three of the penises
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
