I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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