I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
