I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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