i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
