You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
